If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize