Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
