dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
