why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
