It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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