Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
