C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
