Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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