i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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