meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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