you have to choose: penises or morals?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
