How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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