theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
