Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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