We're like a lot better than the average bears
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
