Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
