how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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