hotel room ftw
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
