She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
