There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
