yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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