the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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