It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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