I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
