PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
