you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
