he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I want her autograph on my taint
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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