so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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