he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
