i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
