She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You are the jesus of drinking
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
