yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
