i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
