nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
