I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He? As in you personified your dick?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
