So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
