Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
