I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize