By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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