Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
