Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
