I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
