my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
