Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is Oprah even human
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
