Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
