Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
