Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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