wat bout pragnant strippers??
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
