I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
