I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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