I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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