I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
