Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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