Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
