it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
