Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
