What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
