I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
