We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize