The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
