I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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