If that was your dad, he is hot
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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