Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
