the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Reggie can tackle my bush.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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