I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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