Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
