I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
