i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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