I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
