I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
