i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
