the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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