the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got inside last night via doggy door
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
