That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
