Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
