The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
