my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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