Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
